Word Count: 1284
Timing: Season 5, Episode 04 (some time before that future)
Warning: Angst, Future!Castiel, Future!Dean, Croatoan!Verse, Sex
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, if i did, it would have dragons and catgirls, and Dean would be humping Cas all day long
Summary: In a world where Sam was lost to Lucifer, Dean and Castiel struggle to mantain sanity, but their relationship falls apart without visible hope
Notes: I wrote this some time ago, but it was unbetaed and was something more like a quick draft. I have rewritten this story, 'cause I plan to use it in a future project, YAY! Projects!
As Little Shards of Stained Glass
–Be careful honey, these ones are a bit stronger, I wish I could have more “items” in inventory, but this shitty apocalypse makes me short on supplies– The blonde woman handles a small paper package to Castiel, he tries to grab it, but his hands, shaking by the withdrawal, are unable to, and the pills roll on the ground, freed from their paper prison. The woman, clearly under the influence of something, starts to walk away singing softly, about growth altering pills and the chase of rabbits, leaving the former angel cursing the air while he picks up his precious “medicines”.
Dean watches everything from the afar, hidden in the shadows of midnight, and the anger starts to rise in his head, as his fists curl up into shivering balls. He has had enough of this. Walking heavily and fast he confronts Castiel, snatching the paper package from his hands,at the former angel’s dismay.
–Give them to me Dean– Says Castiel, crossing his arms, trying to hide the shivering of his limbs from Dean.
–Well- Dean rises the package into the air and says hateful and fill with sarcasm –I think you did find God after all–
–Do not speak his name in vain– The angel in an uncoordinated movement takes the pills back and start to walk towards his cabin.
–What? Do you still believe in him? That he is going to save us all? – Dean yells, lately he yells a lot at Castiel.
–Yes I do, now leave me by myself– Castiel walks faster, as he tries to makes his voice sound serene, but he can’t. He can’t hide what he has become, and what his “medicine” has been doing to him. Not that it even matters now tough. Castiel closes the door behind him and throws the paper bag on the bed. His hands shake all he time know, he tries to stop it, but he can’t, no without the pills.
But Dean’s anger is nowhere near to end. His face hardens, with hints of disgust and hatred, and runs towards Cas’ door.
–So, Still the prefect stoned church boy, Aren’t you? – Dean slams the door as he enters Castiel’s cabin, his sarcasm fades away quickly,making all the bottled wrath within to pour like poison from his mouth –I’m sick of your shit Cas, I'm sick of your stupid faith, of your stupid believe that everything is going to be just peachy– The former angel gives him a foggy stare, his once clear, beautiful blue eyes, are now stained with red lines and dark shadows, constant reminders of his addiction. The hunter swallows hard, disgusted, trying to suppress the desire the punch the crap out of him right there.
–If I don’t have my faith Dean, I don’t have anything! I'm trapped in this prison of flesh and blood and shit! – The former angel walks in circles, shaky, trying to find words in his clouded, confused head –Without my grace, I’m not what I was, just... just a mere human–
–Don’t flatter yourself Pinocchio, you are not even near to be human– Dean wanted to rip Castiel apart, for being so weak, for being unable to deal with reality, for hiding in broken beliefs and filthy drugs. Dean punishes himself for the tough, but since Castiel fell, he can’t recognize anything of real Castiel, of the Cas he fell in love with. –You have become this... thing that I don’t even recognize– Dean rises his hand as he shakes his head in frustration, finally hammering his fist against the metal wall.
–I’m like this this for you Dean, I fell for you, or have you forgotten?– The former angel shouts, taking his quivering right hand to his forehead –Of course you have forgotten, Nothing matters to you now– Castiel wanted to blame him for everything, for casting him aside, for leaving him by himself, even when he could reach his flesh with his hands, he could not reach his soul. Dean shut himself off the day Sam was gone, and it did not matter how much Castiel tried to reach him, the heart of the hunter had become a beatless stone, and then the former angel was left alone to rot in this mortal coil, adrift.
Dean tried to say something, but the anger was hot red in his head to say anything coherent.
–Go to hell–
The hunter stormed out the cabin, a few seconds passed, and the former angel started to cry and tremble again, the adrenaline rush from the confrontation gone. He hated it, he hated this human emotions, they felt forced into his mind. So every time they overwhelmed him, he buried himself in those poisonous drugs, trying to forget that he had lost Dean, probably the same day that Sam died. His Dean wasn’t there anymore and God neither. At least the soulless human that once was Dean was right about that, God gave a shit about them.
–I’m already there–
Dean knew what Cas was going to reproach to him before he stormed out, but the hunter had never had the strength to listen to him. He was afraid, and in this state he ended up flailing and hurting the only person in this world that loved him. He knew as much as that, yet he had done nothing about it.
But a part of Dean still wanted to mend things, part of him knew that he was the one to blame, part of him knew for fucking sure that he had abandoned Castiel when he needed him the most. Castiel was right, he had fell for Dean, to love Dean, to be there for him, but Dean repaid his love with frozen distance when Lucifer took Sam away, Dean was lost, hurting, grieving, and forbode his angel from comforting him, thinking that he did not deserved any compassion, he had failed, the devil walked the earth again, and Sammy was the toll. But at the same time he punished himself, Castiel suffered from the same pain. His only contact with humanity lost in pain and unable to help him the now former angel. Castiel was now as human as anyone else, but fragile, lost, guideless and raptured from his grace, did not know how to cope with that.
The shattered hunter still wanted to fix things, he still wanted to put together the broken pieces of their relationship, their love. That love that was more real than anything before, yet he had left it to wither and succumb to time. He needed Castiel, and Castiel needed him. It was close to dawn already. Dean swallowed all of his pride, realizing that he had fucked up, in every sense of the word, the only good thing that was left in his life. He reached Castiel’s door with shaky hands, ashamed, pleading into his mind that Cas would forgive him, for all the things he had said and not said, for failing him when he was desperately needed. Dean twisted the door-knob, head pointing downwards. As he entered, a lustful moan ravaged the room, high pitched and needy, a woman, and then a man’s groan... Castiel’s.
Limbs entangled, sweat running free on their naked shivering bodies, heated and lustful moans. Castiel captured Dean’s eyes with his own, emptier than they ever looked before, as he thrust himself deeper and deeper into the blonde pill-dealer.
-What’s wrong Dean? Am I too human for you now?- Castiel did not stop, Dean did not say anything as he left the cabin. That was the day that they broke apart beyond repair, as little shards of stained glass.
...But even broken glass can be melted and shape anew.