Spoilers: 5.17, just after the end of the episode.
Warnings: Drunk!Cas, Douchey!Dean
Word Count: 995
Notes: Kinda wrote this a while ago, after the aired ep, but I hadn't uploaded it, so, well, lets throw this on the air.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, but if I did.... HA HA HAHAH HAHAHAHAH!!! ha.... tee hee..
Summary: Dean dreams of a future with Lisa. A normal life in a house with white picked fences. But dreams are not always what we really want. Sometimes happiness its at hand's reach. And sometimes happiness comes in the form of a long coated angel.
Dean pictures himself in a baseball field, Lisa smiling behind him, a magnificent sun shining tall. The sound of a bat against a ball, and Ben’s smile as he runs trough the field. A beautiful life.
At first Dean was mad at Sam for his desire to run from him, from his father, his family, but he could not deny that he also wanted a normal life. A house in a small town, a hot wife, an amazing kid, and maybe a car shop. Just a normal life. He would never have one, so he settled for the fantasy of that. He would never had that normal life he wanted, he was going to be Michael’s vessel. He had made his mind
A rustle of feathers brought him back to reality, his hands clenching to the steering wheel as the Impala travels across the county, and a man in a coat appears beside him.
-Hi Cas, I bet that Sam is worried... you can tell him I’m almost there- Castiel just smiles, empty.
-So... that is the future you imagine?- Dean looks puzzled at Cas, who just smiles with dark and watery eyes, face rushed with blood.
-Damn you Cas! I told you to stay away from my head! I’m sick of... wait, Have you been drinking again?- Dean just catches the smell that oozes from Castiel.
-Yeah, that’s pretty much all I do now- Castiel laughs like a maniac as Dean winces uncomfortable.
-You shouldn’t have looked into my mind Cas- says the hunter almost apologetic.
-The amusing part of this- Castiel relaxes himself on the seat, taking a sip from the bottle of some shitty liquor –Is that I did not. Samuel was preoccupied about you doing something reckless, so he sent me after you, and I found you- The angel drinks again.
-What? You are sorry for not telling me that your ideal future is that woman? That if you thought you had a chance of living, you would chose her over me...- The last word vanishes silently in the sound of the impala. He feels hurt.
-Cas...- The hunter licks his lips, looking regretful- I’m sorry-
-Don’t worry, we both knew that this was not going to last- The angel sighs trying to calm himself –I know, I know that its was this apocalypse that brought us together, the circumstances. And I know you want a normal life.
-This doesn’t mean that i don’t like being with yo..- But Castiel stops him.
-Regardless, it means that you have no place for me in your fantasy- The angel speaks with a mix of sadness and acceptance. The two of them fell in an uncomfortable silence, only distracted by sound of the Impala on the road. Castiel, drinks again.
-You should go easy on that-
-It won’t kill me Dean- The hunter sighs, he regrets Castiel overhearing him with Lisa, but he does not regret what he said to her. Always, if this damn war ends, always, he has pictured himself with a family, a happy normal family. He never thought of a future with Castiel, so many things that would made that impossible, not even counting death. What kind life would be for them? With shit flying high, being with an angel did not seem a problem, more so, it was a relief, a glimpse of happiness. But in a normal world, How could he play house with an angel? A male angel, for that matter. Every time the gay issue crossed his mind he shacked it away. He was not like that. How could he have the life he wanted with fingers pointing at him?.
Yet none of that actually mattered, cause they would most certainly end up dead after the apocalypse that hanged over their heads. They reminded silent for the rest of the road, until the impala parks in front of the motel. The hunter turns down the ignition and breathes deeply.
-Cas, it’s just a fantasy, It doesn’t really matters-
-I feel weak- Dean frowns his face, worried he queries the angel.
-Its the spell of the whore? You shouldn't...-
-Its not that...- Dean leans on his seat, looking at Castiel –I just never thought that, I would find myself in this situation...- Castiel smiles sadly and Dean bites his lips, like trying not to be angry at himself, wishing to make his angel feel better. Yeah, he fucked things up, badly.
-Cas- a hand reaches Castiel’s shoulder, a hand that doesn’t want to let go –That fantasy, it’s never going to happen, is just something I have, a wish- The words come hard from Dean’s lips.
-Don’t lie to me Dean, If you had the chance to fulfill that dream you would- Dean tries to say something but the angel keeps talking –But I understand, I know that you just want to be normal, away of all, this supernatural... mess. I don’t have a fit in the life that you want –The words come from Cas’ lips soft but filled with conviction, and extremely human for that matter.-You don’t have to find excuses for it, I understand Dean-
-You... understand?- Dean finally feels like the worst douchebag in history.
-You might not believe it, but no one understands you like I do- and just like that, Castiel is gone in a rustle of feathers, and only the scent of Castiel and a bit of alcohol remains.
For one moment, Deans remains seated on the car. Trying to digest Castiel’s words. Nothing really matters, He is just going to become Michael's new suit and that is going to be the end. He can just imagine a future that will never come. But in that moment, a normal life just does not feel like his biggest desire. That dream of an nonexistent future seems different. When he closes his eyes, it is not Lisa smiling behind him in the baseball field, but Castiel smiling in his arms.