![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
For Me To Hold You Tight
Author:
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
vankossPairing: Dean/Castiel.
Word Count: 1400 ish
Timing: Circa 4.18, Memory takes place some time before
Warning: Melancholic!Anna, Confused!Castiel, Drunk!Dean, Drunk!Sam, Touchy!Dean
Also appearing: Sam, Anna, Unnamed Angel
Rating: Pg-13.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, if i did, the heavens would shatter
Summary: As Anna explains her actions to an old friend, Castiel pushes is mind to find the moment when he started to love Dean. This actually takes place in the same narrative as my other stories, but the memory secuence can be read as a one shot. Wanna read previous chapters? links bellow, feedbacks are welcomed, i love feedback. Opinions and sugestions are welcomed, and needed. Just starting to write in english, yay, i feel so international.
Previous Chapters: Fading emotions, I've dwelt in places that you lust for
For Me To Hold You Tight
Anna felt the cold breeze kissing her face, remembering how it used to feel when she was human. With a deep sigh of yearning, she cast her sight to the messy destruction done by the heavenly showdown.
-Now, I get that you wanted to “test” the strength of Castiel’s feelings... but, I’m sure that there were far less... destructive ways to do so... Maeby a cup of coffee and a heartfelt talk?- Anna faced the owner of the melodic voice. A woman, stepping into her fourthies, dressed like a Wall Street hot shot, auburn hair gathered in a bun, briefcase and glasses included.
-What’s up with the suit? I thought that your current “companion” was a young girl- The newly arrived woman smiled at Anna while searching for something in her briefcase.
-She is, Erika here is just a temporally vessel, she is a good friend- responded the auburn headed woman, now, practically burying her head in the briefcase –Aha!!- said triumphantly while pulling a box of cigarettes. Within moments she was blowing little rings of smoke.
-Still using body-jumping to travel? It seems that you are afraid of been caught- Anna smirked graciously.
-Nah, I’m fearless! But I do want to avoid any unnecessary fighting... I don’t enjoy killing other angels- Anna shifted weight uncomfortable –So, are you going to clean this mess?- In a manner similar of how Castiel managed to be fresh and minty every fucking day (Dean’s words), Anna used her powers to fix the Car, the broken door and the cracks in the crappy plaster of the wall.
-Neat- said the executive-esque angel while the two women entered Dean’s room. Despise all the hustle, punching, crashing and smashing, the hunter still rested peacefully in his bed, although a bit naked –Damn he’s fine!-
-I know- Anna smiled evocating the memory. Approaching Dean, she gently covered him with the sheets.
-Nothing?- queried the other angel.
-No, nothing...- The voice of the red haired angel was charged with melancholy -What it used to feel so important and primal, now just seems a blurred memory- Anna smiled at the lying Dean, even if they “loved” each other once, nothing of that human feeling remained in her –Why is Castiel different than us?-
------
Castiel reappeared in a open countryside, the night, tilting with small stars welcomed him peacefully. Breathing deeply an air that was not needed by him, he sought to calm the incessant revolutions of his head. He had fell in Anna’s “play” like a child, and couldn’t stop himself from feeling a bit amused. But soon that faded, the truths that he had found in the last hours unsettled him. The changes in his mind and soul had been occurring for quite a long time now, but, it wasn’t until this time that he pondered the ramifications of... well, everything. Pushing aside the fact of actually been able to feel, he tried to focus in what these feelings were.
Anna, how did you knew? It’s that obvious? Are my feelings open to plain sight?. In the outside, both physically and heavenly, he appeared the same. His other brothers and sisters didn’t seem to notice how he had change. Only Anna could tell, Perhaps due to her life as a human?. Disregarding that, Castiel’s mind went a little deeper inside him, he wanted to find the moment when that “Love” for Dean was born inside him. Grasping his memories, he smiled when all was made clear.
He found himself sitting in a dark room, ordinary, just another one of the thousands that Dean had slept in. Here it is.
-You know Shammy... you really ‘ve learned to hold your booze while I was gone- Dean’s voice crawled the ground as he tried to open the door, but the key, defying him, just danced around the lock, without entering it.
-Lemme Dean, i think I’m less drunk than you- But same result, the door just refused to open.
-C’mon Sammy, i’ll do...- While trying to snatch the key from his younger brother, the silvery metal piece just flew through the air, landing in a unknown location.
-Great Dean, and now... how do you shuppose that we....- The door, almost magically opened by itself, ripping an awe from the mouths of the drunken Winchesters. There, standing inside the room, Castiel checked them up without visible emotion.
-It's Cass!!! Hello Cass, say hi Sammy-
-Hi mister Cassssss- The brothers burst in laughs.
-Dean, we have to talk- But the elder Winchester was more interested in the moth that flew above his head –You have consumed alcohol, you are not in....-
-Relax Dude- Babbled Dean while Sam laughed like a drunk teenager –Here, a gift for you- Dean shoved a half empty can of beer in Castiel’s hand and proceeded to enter the room, followed by Sam, who, by all accounts, was at the brink of smashing himself on the floor.
Dean rested his butt on the battered couch with difficulty, and Sam just let himself fall on one of the beds, drooling the covers in seconds. Castiel closed the door and sighed deeply.
-I suppose that neither of you are in conditions to talk, I’ll came back in the morning-
-Nonononono Cas..., stay a bit, C’mon, sit with me- A doubtful Castiel sat besides Dean, who apparently, was trying to tell him something, as he raised his and in a mandatory manner and opened his mouth. For what seemed long silent minutes even for the angel, Dean just stood there trying to articulate something. Just as Dean was prepared to talk, Sam had just started to snore, loudly and a bit offensive.
-Dean, this is useless-
-C’mon Cas, we are celebrating- a loud hick escaped Dean’s mouth –Sorry ‘bout that, You know, what we should do? We should get up and go to the bar to pick up some ass, ‘Ve you picked up some ass before Cass?- Slowly, but steadily, Deans body leaned itself over Cas, without noticing it.
-No Dean, I’ have not, there are more pressing...-
-Shhhhh, sleepy- Dean pressed one of his fingers on Castiel’s lips, for a second the angel just froze, he didn’t know how to react to that. Still in shock, Castiel could just see how Dean’s eyes closed and all his weight felt upon him. In that moment Castiel felt something, something about Dean’s warmth so close to him, just made him smile. Soon, the hunter’s arms wrapped themselves around Castiel’s torso.
-Dean, Your personal space, you, we...- Said the angel in his gravely voice, utterly confused.
But Dean just buried himself deeper in Castiel’s lap, almost trying to get himself comfortable to sleep. Castiel thought that it would be better if he left, but, for some reason, the act of been there sitting with that man leaned on him, holding him, seemed more satisfying than any other thing he could have been doing. The moments passed slowly, only the tic tack of the clock and Sam’s snores disturbed the calm in the room. But as Dean shifted his weight on top of Castiel, the heart of his vessel stared to bump, loudly, fast, like a drum. It felt strange, yet interesting.
-Thanks Cas...- Said Dean almost inaudible.
-For what?- Castiel cast his stare downwards, mesmerized by the sight of Dean so close, so warm, so real.
-For takin’ me outta there... and been here now- The angel felt a fire in his throat, maeby deeper, or not, he wasn’t sure, something that made talking impossible, he had to say something, anything.
-Eh...- the angel swallowed empty air –Would you like to go to pick up some ass now?- Something very similar to self loathe flashed Castiel’s mind.
-No... lets just stay... don’t say anything...just- Dean tightened his grip on Castiel, and for the first time the angel mirrored his movements. The sigh of relieve that escaped Dean’s lips melted something inside the angel, and for the first time he felt naked, exposed. That hunter, who had scorned, stabbed, moked, smiled, laughed with and at him, now lied in his lap, without pretending to be strong, deprived of his hero mask, just wanting to feel something different from the fear, the cold and the solitude. Castiel was enthralled by that human.
As Dean slowly drifted to the land of dreams, the angel that he held tight stood up holding him in his arms. Carefully, he placed the body of the elder Winchester on the empty bed. As much as he was enjoying the moment, he knew that Dean needed to rest, and that more pressing matters needed to be solved tomorrow. Besides, everytime that Dean drunk copious ammounts of alcohol, he stated that he didn’t remmembered anything, he might find strange waking up cuddling with an angel. Realizing that he had to wait until tomorrow, he decided to watch Dean sleep, This is not odd at all, standing in the middle of the night to watch someone sleep, I just want to make sure that nothing happens to the Winchesters. That was also the first time that Castiel started to lie himself.
no subject
no subject
no subject
Castiel felt very real although in the last chapters there were points where I wasn't sure if he really would react that way here it felt right from the beginning to the end. And the brothers too - I can really imagine them in that exact situation - I always knew Sam 's a snorer ;D
I liked how at first Castiel wants to leave again and then slowly succumbs to Dean :)
no subject
I would really like to play with the hole unspoken words and underlying feelings theme without making it too angsty, maeby a bit of denial? anyways, thats how a see Dean about the thing, and Castiel bashing his head on a wall cause he just doesnt understand shit about being human
I would deeply apreciatte your upcoming imput :D, Thankies Aescu